I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
