This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
