HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
