You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
