She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
