Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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