you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
