All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
