I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
