Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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