We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's official drugs can't kill me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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