There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
