fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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