every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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