I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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