i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
