I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
