he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
