Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
