im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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