Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
