i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
