did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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