The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.