Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH