The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
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after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."