I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?