He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
