Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
