He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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