My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Enjoy the penises
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
