I heard we made out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize