i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
