Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Help. Why am I so naked?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
