i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
