and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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