I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize