is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
