Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
