How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
