it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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