Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
