No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
