I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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