no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
