Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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