Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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