Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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