It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
