I want to make a zoo with you.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
