The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The power of my boobs compel you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
