and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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