hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
