Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
