i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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