I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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