You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
