At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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