They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
