I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
