I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
