I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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