My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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