According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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