I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
